I'm Back, Baby!

It's been 5 long, cold, snowy, months since my last blog. You may be wondering why. (Then again, you might not.) Because, I don't like offending people. But, as those that know me will tell you, it's in my make-up. I cannot help it from time to time. Therefore, I felt it was best to set aside the blog indefinitely. But now I feel it's time to get back on the horse that bucked me off and dig my heels in for the long haul. The fact of the matter is, I enjoy writing. It's what all those stupid placement tests when I was in school told me I should be doing. Who would have ever thought those things worked? Plus, I was given some kudos tonight from a...well, for lack of a better word, fan. What this person said to me reminded me how much I like doing it. Plus, if there are actually people out there that are reading this thing, then maybe I should give it another go. So, without further ado, I give you, Stinkin' Lincoln, the Rapture.

Stinkin' Lincoln Driving

I have had 5 months of experiences and tales about the wonderful driving experience that is Stinkin' Lincoln Driving. Not only did I have those 5 months, it also snowed like we were entering an ice-age. Therefore, I got some stories for you.

The one that really stands out actually only happened a week ago. My wife and I were driving down 84th Street on the south side of town. If you are unfamiliar with this street, it's probably one of the top 10 busiest streets in this god-forsaken town. So, we are driving and up ahead, I see a pedestrian with their dog standing on the median. Of course here in Stinkin' Lincoln, this means that some bonehead is going be "nice". This person in a Mercedes Benz stops in the middle of 84th street to give this person and their dog a chance to cross the street. On top of that, this person stops just on the other side of perhaps the only hill in Stinkin' Lincoln. I am sure you see where this is going. Oh, and the speed limit is a mind blowing 45 mph on 84th street. So, this means someone pops over the top of that hill at probably 40 mph. (It must be an unwritten law somewhere there that states, "everyone must drive at least 5 mph under all posted speed limits".) At this point the old tuna boat of a car, which looked like it was built sometime in the mid 80's, slams on their breaks and for a moment my wife and I thought we were going to get to see Mercedes' safety features demonstrated first hand. However, the person in the giant lead sled did some nifty driving and averted disaster. Somehow, this person slams on their breaks, jerks the car over into the turning lane to and does a complete 360 around the Benzo. How the hoopty didn't hit either the back or front of that Benz is beyond me.

Now imagine the dog and it's owner watching all of this unfold 20 feet in front of them. The lead sled stopped maybe less than 10 feet from the dog and it's owner. The owner stood there shocked at what was happening in front of her. The dog on the other hand was trying to figure out how to get the hell out of there. (Dog's aren't stupid.) Fortunately, everything turned out fine, with nothing hurt but couple people's pride.

There are many things we can learn from this story.

1) If you stop to let someone cross a very busy street, especially just on the other side of a hill, you are an idiot. Don't do that!

2) The one thing I did not mention in the story, but is key to us learning something. There was a tunnel that went under the street right there for pedestrians. I can only guess that since it was night time, this person didn't want to take the tunnel. Who can blame them with the high crime rates in South Lincoln. Oh...wait, there isn't a high crime rate there.

3) The cash for clunkers program was a good one that many people that should have taken advantage of it, didn't. Perhaps had the driver cashed in on the program, maybe they wouldn't have lost control.

This ends yet another addition of Stinking Lincoln Driving. It's probably not my best effort, but I am tired, and out of practice, I will do better next time...I promise.

By the way, it's nice to be back.