Brandon Goes to Menards

Well, I am in a writing mood, so I will go ahead and post my experience from my trip to Menards. My day started out a little rough, so my trip to the hardware store wasn't my usual stroll through paradise. I had my list and all I wanted to do is get in, get out and get on with my life! I headed straight for the suspended ceiling supplies, loaded up my flatbed cart, and started to make my way to the checkout. On the way there I was a little worried about the 12 foot piece of "wall angle" that was sticking out quite a ways out the front of the cart. I cautiously passed each aisle hoping each time someone would not come out of the aisle and run into it. I made it fine, which was amazing considering the suspended ceiling materials are in the opposite corner of the store in relation to the checkout area. I get in line, which was about 3 people deep, and when I am about to be the next person helped, my wife calls and asks me to get her something she needed while I was there. I took myself out of line and stowed my cart in a safe place. Of course, what she wanted was a seasonal item, and they were all out already. So, I head back to the line, and to my surprise there is a line with only 1 person ahead of me. I wheel my cart up close to the checkout counter, grab myself a Diet Pepsi, and start to wait patiently. Now, at this particular Menards, they have pallets of merchandise staggered next to each checkout line. In between each pallet, there is a space for people to walk through should they want to go to a different line. My 12 foot piece of wall angle is hanging out the back of my cart just enough to block one of those walk ways. Can you guess what happened next? Yep, an 8 year old girl comes running towards my line through that walkway, and before I had a chance to say anything the girl ran into it, bending it to a 90 degree angle, and tripping the little girl. After gathering up the now double angled wall angle, I looked over at the little girl with displeasure, and she immediately broke into tears. I am still not sure if it was because of my look or if she just scared herself. I then look at who I assume is the girls grandfather, and he looks at me like I am an idiot for having that piece of metal out there where someone can trip over it. I have never wanted to say, "What are you lookin' at!?", to someone so bad in my 36 years. So, once again, I pull myself out of line, and start the hike back to the opposite corner of the store to get a replacement for the now damaged wall angle. I make it back to the checkout, which, as Murphy's Law would have it, is now 5 people deep. I wait in line, guarding each walkway like a linebacker guards the end zone. I finally make it up to the checkout, and I am greeted by the rudest teen aged cashier I have ever met. She was annoyed the ceiling tile didn't have any UPC's on it. She didn't notice I had a Diet Pepsi in the little basket on the cart, and was annoyed when I pointed it out after she gave me the total. She then hands me the receipt without a word. As I start for the exit, thanking my lucky stars this event is coming to close, I am cut off by an eager man who was apparently more excited about leaving the store than I was. I finally head home and call my dad to tell him all about my eventful trip to Menards. I told him I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on!? But then, my father in his infinite wisdom, says, "You know it's a full-moon tonight, right?". It then all made sense. Though I am a little sceptical, I do to a certain extent believe that the full moon has an affect on people and their behavior. In fact, the root word for "lunatic" and "lunacy" is, that's right, you guess it, "lunar". To top it all off, this is a full moon in Stinkin' Lincoln. People are already a little off here. Imagine what it's like when people are out there itching to be howling at the moon! So, hopefully you survived the lunar madness, and can now look forward to everything getting back to normal. That is, as normal as it gets around here.