Lincoln Fare

I am in no way, shape or form a wealthy person. However, I do enjoy, when able, the finer things in life. A good meal, a nice bottle of wine, a fun filled vacation and so on. But here in Stinkin' Lincoln, finding a place to enjoy a good meal or a nice bottle of wine are few and far between. It is nothing like Omaha where there is a fine restaurant per capita. In addition, there are classy lounges that you can go and get an adult beverage. Here in Stinkin' Lincoln, these types of places do not survive. There used to be a fantastic steak house here called Stackwoods. It was AMAZING! Stinkin' Lincolnites didn't support it. Yes, the average Stinkin' Lincolnite enjoys Applebee's over a great steak dinner. The "best" restaurant in town is a brewery called Lazlo's. It is a pretty good place, actually. But for it to be the most popular place to eat in Stinkin' Lincoln says a mouth full about the people. What should be the most popular eating establishment is Venue. It's a place that would do well in Omaha. Fantastic fare, great wine list, and good bar. Yet, one can go at anytime, without a reservation, and get a table. Why is it that Stinkin' Lincolnites prefer Applebee's and Lazlo's over a nice restaurant, you ask? Simple. They are cheap. Stinkin' Lincoln could be the diamond capitol of the world if you gave each citizen a lump of coal and had them stick it in... their wallet, since they seem to need a pry bar to get those suckers open. When you see a Stinkin' Lincolnite open their wallet, it's like that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when they open the chamber that the Ark has been stashed in for eons, and the air comes rushing out because it hadn't been opened in so long. Same premise. Stinkin' Lincolnites have two rules when it comes to restaurants they will support: 1) Preferably it will be a chain. Applebee's, Outback, Perkins, Village Inn, and Bennigan's are the places of choice. 2) It better be cheap. Otherwise the server will be only getting a 3% tip. Oh, who am I kidding, they will do that no matter what. Yep, Stinkin' Lincolnites give 'til it hurts. Unfortunately, they have a very low pain tolerance. So, should you find yourself in Lincoln, and are looking for a great place to eat, try Venue at 70th & Pioneers, or Dish at 11th & O. Easily the two best restaurants in town. The second tier of places to eat would be Outback (because my little sister-in-law works there) at 48th & Vine, Lazlo's either at 7th & P or Highway 2 and Old Cheney or Fireworks (Also, owned by Lazlo's) at 85th & Old Cheney. But give the server a heart attack by tipping well. They will either think you are from out of town, or one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Bon appetit!